just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
