I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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