Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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