I'm so fucking centered right now
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
