When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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