Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
