I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
