I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
