I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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