god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She's the barista slut.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
