This gyro tastes like lonliness
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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