so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
