you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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