I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
