This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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