She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
