rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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