OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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