I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I touched a dick in church today
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
