You made me cry and you don't even care
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he shaved USA in his pubs
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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