She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
