I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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