Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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