I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
