So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
