you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
