Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
