Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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