It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
