We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
