I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
