i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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