you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
