the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
