Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
