I'm so fucking centered right now
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
