I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
