I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize