Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
