explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
