This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize