u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
