I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
