But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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