She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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