so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you remember whose house we're in?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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