Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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