Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
