They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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