you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
