Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize