im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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