Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
