my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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