and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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