can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
