accomplished twins. life is a go
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bring money and cleavage
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
