Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
