after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
