i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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