so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
