his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
