You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
