We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
