I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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