I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
