I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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