eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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