Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
