You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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