Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
