i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
