On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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