What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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