So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The best revenge is premature balding
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
