I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
