you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
